A Rant on Wedding Photographers' Marketing

I get the expensive equipment.  I realize that you have to make money.  I understand that especially for weddings, it’s a high pressure business.  So while I chuckle at the price of wedding packages (of course, anything wedding related is overpriced throughout all business aspects), I do actually understand that you will put in more hours than that 5-10 hours which I will be reserving on my actual wedding day.  I also know you have an extremely high overhead to pay off for likely a one person or very small business. 

I think much of your marketing makes sense.  It is a very special day, and we want photographic records of it.  I like looking through my parents’ wedding album, and I hope my children will like looking at mine, too.  (If I can afford one.  I probably will make my own on Shutterfly or something though rather than pay you hundreds of extra dollars to do the same thing.)  I also understand that you feel if you have a good sense of artistry in your shots and ability to use Photoshop, I should pay you for your style.  Agreed.  If I like you and your style, I will want to hire you.
So here’s where you bug me.  Two of you sent me marketing materials within 24 hours that made me want to yell at you.  And it’s not wedding planning stress that is rearing its ugly head.  It’s your assumptions and attitudes and that you think you can send it to me and because I’m a bride, I’ll buy into it and feel comforted or inspired or more likely to hire you over someone else.

No.

When you send me literature telling me you will make me look good on my wedding day because I “will have the best photo prop ever: a groom” and can use him to pose and cover up my flaws; or you send me a rant email hating on beginner photographers offering free photography so they can build up their portfolios—I want to tell you to specialize in a different arena.  Go work at Glamour Shots.
My groom is not a prop.  He is an autonomous human being making the decision to commit and marry me.  He is taking a big step, a huge risk, a financial and personal and emotional investment like nothing he’s ever done before.  And so am I.  I am absolutely not looking for an extended party time to have you make me feel like a model or take me-focused portraits like I finally have reached the big day by which I have been told I will be defined.  Marriage is about much more.  Our wedding day, in which we will exchange sacred vows and officially be bonded to begin a life together as equals and partners is not about me alone.  And to be so sexist about my groom being nothing more than a prop offends me deeply.  To be so sexist and patronizing as to assume that telling me I can use him to mask any physical part of me I want to hide offends me, too.  I don’t need him to hide behind.  I want him just as present in the pictures.  I don’t want photos of only his profile or the back of his head so that I can be posed as prettily as possible.  That is so selfish.  What a terrible portrayal that would be of the day we are promising to place the other first in our lives. 

As for new photographers—how arrogant of you to send a hateful, demeaning email about how they’re stealing away your business and will most certainly disappoint their friends.  You had to build up a portfolio.  I bet you even had to do some for free or low cost until you proved yourself.  If you’re so worried about them taking away your money, do a better job at getting hired.  Maybe lower your prices to where the average couple could hire you without placing excessive burden on themselves or family or whoever may be paying for you to snap some pictures and then possibly edit them.  By the way, my friends with fancy cameras can use photoshop or facetune or pretty much any digital software just as well as you can.  I can even make myself feel prettier with my own iphone apps (and by the way, I didn’t need to use my husband-to-be as a prop to figure out how to take flattering pictures of my friends or myself.  You should be able to do that without making my man into a tool to cover up the fact you can’t figure out how to get a nice angle).

Your arrogance that someone must pay thousands of dollars for your time and probably more money just to have rights to pictures of themselves is ridiculous.  If your services are nothing more than a status symbol to the couple who think spending tons on a photographer makes their day more special, then what value is your art worth on its own? (Because guess what, no one else besides the couples’ parents, and maybe grandparents, will ever care about the wedding photos in the end).  Unless it’s the bride who loves staring at her own face while her propped groom probably only gets a side shot of him kissing her cheek at the most…and this will hang in their home where no one cares or only thinks how self-centered she still is until they divorce and she throws it away anyway. 

Also, your sexist assumptions and attempt to mollycoddle a bride by feeding into the idea that her wedding day is all about her is terrible.  That perspective holds women back.  I am not defined by the fact I’m getting married, and when you tell me it’s all about me because I’m finally getting “my big day”, you demean me and my existence.  You are telling me I must be perfect on that day so I can feel proud of it.  As if no other day in my life before or after my wedding day matters.  You will not tell me that if my photographic record of that day doesn’t make me seem perfect, I must have failed as a bride.  My worth is absolutely not tied into that day.  My life is about more than getting married.  If I never got married, I would be just as important.  If I never got married, I would still have no right to treat someone else as a prop.  I hate that your marketing and philosophy are part of the message to my single friends that they aren’t important yet.  I hate that your marketing tells my married friends they will never be as important again.  I hate that this whole wedding industry tells women their wedding days are only about them and it better be perfect— according to some standard that exists only in theory and just out of the average bride’s price range. 

Our wedding day is about what happens that day.  It will be special.  It will be beautiful.  It will be kind of scary.  Because you need to realize, I’m worried about the next day, the next decade, the next 50 years.  Because I want to be the perfect wife.  And that doesn’t mean I’m no longer important after my wedding day.  And it definitely means I better not be focused on myself that day. Because that is a terrible way to start married life.

When I step into that dress (which I found on Craigslist, by the way, for an amazing price, and will still be able to buy groceries this month), I will be wearing it as a symbol of how sacred that day is and how solemn my vows will be to me.  When my groom puts on his tux and waits for me to join him at the end of the aisle, he will be ready to put his life into my hands.  His hopes and dreams and fears are just as real as mine.  His commitment that day will change his life.  We are two people who will be joining our separate but equal lives.  We hope to be surrounded by the people who mean the most to us and who have shared our lives with us to that point.  Because we will be honored they have joined us.  Your photography is just to help us remember that day and those good times and memories.  It’s not about you. 

How dare you assume the man who will become my husband that day is only a prop.  How dare you assume that if I trust a friend to record that day that they will fail or we will be disappointed.  How dare you assume I believe I have a right to think it is all about me.  And how dare you assume our marriage will be based on our wedding day.

I Told You So

It wasn't supposed to be like this.  

I knew it would happen, but I wanted to convince myself it could be different.  Yet, exactly as my very first blog post predicted-it's basically been a year since I last wrote on here!

Why do I this?  I get interested and caught up in the excitement of something; then I lose interest.  Get too busy; inundate myself; then BAM!  Cold turkey-I'm bored.  Or just forget about it.

Today's other case-in-point:  Goodreads.  I finally joined, and I'm totally excited.  I love things that show "progress".  A sort of instant gratification that maybe while I don't carry a kindle or a book around with me all the time, I can still prove I've read a variety and number of books!  Then there's the side that suddenly wants to read all these other recommended books that sound interesting!  A website that takes my slightly unusual taste and offers real recommendations rather than me wandering around Barnes and Noble hoping something will catch my interest.  It's gonna be bad!  Or good?  After all, April 1 began my personal development goals for the rest of the year.

Personal development.  Doesn't that sound inspiring?  Or horrible.  

It makes me think of overachievers.  And slackers who use the term to justify procrastination.  "I'm developing myself personally."  That's why I'm addicted to Pinterest.  Craft ideas, books and quotes to learn from, humor from clever people, beautiful art, etc.  Absorbing all that makes me a better, more interesting person!  In a way...

But then we come back to this:  all the knowledge in the world doesn't do a thing for me if it doesn't affect my day-to-day life.

So I've become a slacker!  After all, I'm busy with work, friends, relationship, Bible study, and my dog.  I don't have time to just read.  Even for entertainment unless I'm on a flight!  I barely have time to make my bed.

Or do I?

I've been taking stock of my life.  It's interesting what a relationship does.  I blame him for being busy, not having time for other things I used to do, for the cheesy state of mind that just makes me happy and not really care if I get my chores done this Saturday or next, the choice to see him and go out to eat instead of hitting the gym...  

Yet this relationship also is making me grow up.  I am realizing that I can't let things slide by for another couple years.  I have no idea if things will "work out" long term for us; but I know that if they do, I want to be a blessing and bring good things to a long-term relationship.  I don't want to have childish, immature, or irresponsible baggage to weigh things down.  Frankly, a year from now, whether I'm still in a relationship or if I'm single, I want to be in a better place.  It will also be a new decade of my life.  If I don't get my act together before and close to when I turn 30, when will I?  I want to continue and enjoy the next 30 years!  Not be struggling to recover or repay mistakes of my "young adult" years.  Time to take all that knowledge and tips from the vast network of people in my real life and people in my virtual life (facebook, pinterest, etc) and actually start using it.  I heard a line about two types of people:  those who wish, and those who will.  I wish for a lot.  Time to decide I will do things instead.

So I've got 4 areas I intend to improve upon by the close of 2013.

Spiritual
Financial
Health
Character

Some of this will be helped out by "journaling" or creating some sort of record to motivate me, keep me on track, or point out that I haven't been doing it.  So I'm back to the blog!  If I can do a monthly check-in and write about how I feel or what I want to improve on, I think it'll serve as a measure of accountability.  We'll see!

Websites that are points of inspiration to me:

Fit Bit

Financial Freedom

Crazy Love-Developing Authentic Faith

Developing character and knowledge (yep, it's Goodreads!)

The ComTra Project

Today, I had a lunch with a guy that asked about what exactly this non-profit I’m working on was about.  I told him it’s designed to help in the fight against human trafficking.  He then said he’d heard about human trafficking.

 That “it happens in Asia, like in Vietnam and Korea.  Maybe Mexico, too.  Perhaps Texas.”

I looked at him, wondering how much to say; how much did he really want to hear about this issue?  But the very purpose of The ComTra Project is to help fight human trafficking within the United States, and, after all, how can we do that if people here don’t even realize that the girl on the corner is most likely not there because she want to be?

So to my lunch buddy, I explained that it happens in the whole US: more than just Texas.  That it happens in our state, and even more so—it happens in our city.  He was shocked to hear that a trafficker had been arrested in Colorado Springs this past week; about the trafficked girls from Detroit being sold and re-sold at a truck stop in Denver; that we even had agricultural laborers who had been rescued from a trafficking situation at a farm in northern Colorado…

Suddenly, over a lunch hour, one more person knows a little more about human trafficking in the US.  He’ll think about it next time he drives by a truck stop.  And that is a small victory for the goals of ComTra: a goal to raise awareness, a goal to help those who are fighting human trafficking, a goal to make the fight more effective.

So why do I care?

When I was eleven years old, my family lived in Naples, Italy, for several months.  One day, as my dad was driving us somewhere in this giant white van he’d rented to cart around my big family, he stopped at a light.  He told us not to look at this girl who was sitting on a street corner under a tree with a cardboard sign beside her.  Being the good child I was, I looked at her…she can’t have been much older than I was at the time.  Stringy long dark hair, red-rimmed eyes, skinny, weak-looking.  I was startled. 

My dad started explaining something about girls being brought in to the country from eastern Europe and having green cards taken away and no other options.  I didn’t fully understand what he was talking about.  But I knew something of the pain in her eyes.  You see, I have a painful background of being used for someone else’s pleasure at a young age.  Used by people my parents should have been able to trust…

The pain, the listlessness I saw on that girl’s face startled me because I knew how she felt.  I felt her hurt and her shame.  And I began to despise a system that let her sit on the corner while whoever was controlling her was walking around in freedom.

Over the next 10 years, I began to hear whispers of problems in Asia with children forced into prostitution, of a German woman who married an Army soldier who took away her papers and controlled her every move once they’d moved to the US, of Filipino women going after jobs in Saudi Arabia and never again contacting their families, of a young woman named Natalie Holloway who disappeared in the Bahamas.  All sad, all tragic situations.

In college, I saw an advertisement for a film called Human Trafficking.  I started to research the term, and as I did, I began to sense these situations could be related.  But how?

Was there just something wrong with mankind?  Did it only happen in poor communities? How could child prostitution be linked to my Filipina friend’s cousin disappearing? 

I soon learned that it all fell under the category human trafficking:  The use of one person by another for commercial gain through force, fraud, or coercion.  “Modern slavery” is a popular term for this industry.  Yes, an industry.  A criminal industry that is equal to the illegal arms trade in terms of revenue.  And it’s gaining on drugs.  Simply because human beings are re-usable.

So why should I do something?

My personal story gives me empathy for the victims of sex trafficking; but my sense of justice compels me to fight for every human being who is currently held in some sort of “modern slavery.”  As a Christian, there is a Bible verse that speaks directly to my heart about engaging in the fight against human trafficking: Isaiah 58:6 says

“No, this is the kind of fasting I want:  Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you.  Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people.”

Let the oppressed go free.  I love that.  I’ve had to deal with my own past, to learn what freedom means to someone who thought they were under someone else’s selfish control…Now I want to help that young girl on the street corner!  I want to say that someone searching for a better life should not be allowed to disappear because traffickers take advantage of them!  I want to stand beside the men and women who are fighting to end this problem within our own communities.  The men and women who say that this is NOT okay; this should not be risk to their children; and that we will fight for justice for those who cannot do it for themselves.

"Human Trafficking: Urgent Response Required."

I recognize there are some great anti-trafficking organizations out there.  But I know from years of interest and engagement, there are many people who cannot find out how they can help or get involved without being directed to sites that are primarily internationally-focused.  While these organizations are vital, too, for now, my focus is my own neighborhood, city, country.  Like the guy I was at lunch with—most Americans have now heard of this, but they don’t realize it happens here, under their noses.  If we want to change the culture that accepts human trafficking (or at the very least turns a blind eye to it), we need to let people know that it’s happening, and what can be done to stop it.  No one website or organization will have the full solution.  But for now, ComTra can gather and share information to help-to make the fight more effective. 

And that’s my goal.  That’s my part of this fight.  There’s a child, a man, a woman who will sleep in captivity tonight.  Since I know that, how can I do nothing? 

How much is that Puppy in the window?

It's been awhile since I got on here.  I feel a little like I've missed out on some of the things that are happening in your lives, but then, maybe I'm still up to date as long as you're still on Facebook!  I check FB but rarely have a lot to actually post on there.  Maybe because so many people that I don't actually care to know all my life details may read it...but here, with my few close friends, I feel like I can share more information without as much reserve.

So let me tell you about the newest exciting thing in my life!  I decided to get a puppy!  I've wanted one for a long time, and a friend's dog had a litter.  I'd decided early that I wasn't ready, but then she was going to have a puppy returned to her since the buyer was facing a serious illness.  I decided it was a "sign"!  And I made an offer.  Unfortunately, the buyer hadn't totally made up her mind...so was I willing to wait a month or so (while the puppy lived with her, getting attached to her, was being trained by her)?  Umm, I decided no.  For the simple reason that this dream puppy I have wanted is a Rottweiler.  Yes, I know the stereotypes, but I have known some amazing Rotti dogs.  However, if I'm going to have one, I want to train it from the earliest possible point, so that no friends or family have to be concerned about coming to visit.

So I said no to being "wait-listed" for the puppy.  Sad day!  But I'm pretty sure it was the right decision.  In my sadness, I browsed through some rescue websites...and lo, and behold, I found a dog.  Not a puppy.  Not a pure Rotti.  But possibly the most adorable, tragic story, trained, good-fit-for-my-family dog ever.  (Besides of course, our yellow lab Toby who is a great dog!!)

So on Sunday, Luna is coming to visit!  We will see if she and Toby seem they can be friends, and if so, Luna will stay through Wednesday to find out if she's a good match for us, and us for her!  I'm so excited.  I really had wanted a puppy to train and raise, but I feel good about the potential for Luna to become part of the family.  She needs a good home since her current owner's job requires so much travel, and I can avoid the whole house training/initial costs of a puppy thing...Here's a Luna pic:

I've been looking up lots of tips for helping an adult dog adjust.  I didn't realize how many great sites and information are out there!  So here's a plug--if a pet is right for you, check out how many there are out there that just need a new good home.  With much less cost and effort than a new puppy, you may find a perfect match for you.

I'll let you know how things go--if Luna becomes a family member or not--and what we learned to make the transition easier!

Moving along

I meant to do an update earlier about the whole dr./exam situation.  But I was so relieved after my "delightful" mammogram/ultrasound experience on that Wednesday that I was exhausted.  Emotionally more than physically, but enough to want to just have some down time for the rest of the day!  The results reported on site were normal!  Hooray!  (By the way, the whole mammogram thing--not anywhere as bad as I'd ever imagined...awkward but nothing bad!)

Later that day my phone was acting up, and about 10:30 at night I saw that my Dr. had called and left a voicemail.  I checked it, and she just asked for a callback mentioning she would be out of the office the next day.  So I called her that Friday.  She told me she was not completely content with the results of the testing.  After all, there is a lump and the tests didn't show just a fluid cyst (which would have ruled out anything going on).  I had thought since no lump showed, there must not be anything at all!  The Doctor isn't as convinced.  So I now get to go to a specialist this Wednesday coming up.  Apparently this specialist can do exams/ultrasounds/ and needle biopsies on site.  I hope this means that soon I will have absolutely conclusive results...

So once again, while I'm doing pretty well mentally and emotionally about this whole process, it's been hard at times.  Mostly just because I thought I was all done and good to go! But now there's still a lingering question, and I would like this to be over.  Done and dusted! 

I am learning more than I would have cared to about some of these processes, and I learned that in young women, mammograms and ultrasounds tend to miss concern-causing lumps because younger women have more dense breast tissue.  So again--please allow me to remind you to be aware of your own body and don't be afraid to take advantage of the great medical resources that we have...

Next month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month--it has held a special place in my heart because of my Mom having had breast cancer, but now I feel that I've got a great advantage on the awareness part!

When the room spins 'round...

The room almost felt like it started spinning on Tuesday morning:

One of those women's appointments that you're really supposed to have annually.  Yet for people like myself who just love doctors, it was something more like 4 years in between.  Typical appointment, physical, exam, blood taken, etc.  Then suddenly, a "hmm, here's a cyst."  Okay, I think.  That doesn't sound like a big deal.  Then I look at the doctor's face.  She's very serious and studying my face.

Doctor's orders for a mammogram (I'm 27 years old for crying out loud!  I thought I had at least 13 years before going through that torture that I've heard my mom and so many other women complain about!).  So now a week in between the doctor "finding a lump" and my mammogram/ultrasound appointment.  Great.

Talk about a week of ups and downs!  I know these things are common, and that they're commonly no big deal.  But just try convince your emotions of that at random points during the day when your logic can't seem to win out...I really don't think it will be anything.  But the nagging lack of knowledge about what it is precisely is frustrating.

The main reason for the doctor's concern and contributing factor to my own occasionally unsure-ness is that almost exactly 7 years ago my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.  It's a sobering week for me (and my family) although, at the same time, we are at peace for we know that He who has been with us before is with us still and will be again.

So what do we learn from this?

I suddenly realize that I need to have some paperwork/information sorted and organized.  I find myself not so concerned with some of the little things that aren't really so important.  And right now--I'm kicking  myself for not getting the exam sooner.

Recommendation as of Friday evening (and 5 days out from the next time I get to learn anything):

Get your check-up.  Keep up with your own self-exams.  And don't let a little discomfort with a doctor appointment keep you from taking care of yourself.  Life's short.  Life's important, and there are more people whose lives are tied to yours and who care about you than you realize.  I'm so grateful for my family caring about what's happening with me, and even more importantly--they care about how I'm doing mentally and emotionally.  They mean the world to me.

The song I heard twice on my way to my dr. appt and the lyrics that speak to my heart right now:

Let The Waters Rise 


Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Ohhh

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You




  (Mikeschair group)

Shameless pitch!

Today is my catch-up day.  About once a month (or every 2 weeks if possible), I catch up on the mountain of paperwork that accrues on my rather large walnut desk.  I point out the size, because it really should be able to swallow up and conceal the bills, fliers, magazines, and random papers that I stick upon it throughout the month.

It doesn't.  The pile starts to grow, and I can't help noticing it and shuddering a little until days like today.  My Monday off.  From my regular job.  It's usually less of a day off and more of a day ON!

I love this point in that day "on", though.  The desk is organized once again; dusted (though heaven only knows how dust gets in and under that Everest of paperwork); and once again, it's functional!  Much of the time, I am poorer by the time I've sorted everything out, paid what needs to be paid, and sigh at what I would like to get from those magazines but decided I really can't afford.  By the way, tip of the day for everyone--shop right AFTER you've paid bills.  It makes me incredibly more discerning about what's really worth it...

Today though is a special day in that it's time to write to my child.  ("What?!" -- I can hear you now under your breath-- "I didn't know she had a kid!") And only imagine what my situation would be if I were only communicating with that child in a once-a-month letter!

My child's name is Angie Sabido.  She lives in a very rural northern part of the Philippines.  I am her Compassion International sponsor.  For $38 a month, I am a part of changing her life and that of her family.  My sponsorship allows Angie to learn at the Compassion International center, get nutritious meals, get regular health screenings and medical treatment when necessary.  She will also learn about the love of Jesus, receive personal attention, play with other children in a safe environment and know that she is loved by Christian adults who care about her and her personal welfare.  (details/wording plagiarized from the Compassion sponsorship packet.) 

Wow.  For the price of a tank of gas, I can let a little 7 year old girl know she is loved, and more than that--to let her be taken care of by people in her community with outside assistance as necessary.  That's pretty cool.

Angie likes singing, playing house, and art...She sent me a letter with some of her favorite things (game, song, best friend...)  I love this little girl already.  I'm not taking the place of anyone in her family or community, but I know already from the letter her mother wrote me that I do have a very special place in her life.  I can help her break the cycle of poverty and by doing so, touch her family as well.

I'd just like to take this chance to say please consider sponsoring a child whose life is entrapped in poverty.  A little bit on our part (which I know can be a sacrifice at times for many!) can change a life forever.  Please consider Compassion International or at least an organization who values the dignity of the children they serve and who is transparent on how your money is used to help.

Thanks for "listening."  :)